The Head Coach’s Son; Favoritism in Youth Football / Sports #1 Popular Parent Topic
I am sure many will argue that there is favoritism in youth football. I will agree too. After 30 seasons coaching youth football and other youth sports, there is a ton of favoritism. Daddy ball is alive and well, and in my analysis is why many youth football teams lose in our youth football league. (2020 Update) Find out how to become the coach’s favorite in this podcast.
Ok, so this may not be the most popular article for parents, but someone needs to put the theory out there, and yes I say theory, about the Head Coach’s son and children. I am a Head Coach, and both my son’s play Quarterback for their youth football teams. I was an offensive guard at their ages, so I am slightly jealous. But anyway, I am Head Coach for my oldest son’s team (5th grade) and am a parent spectator for my youngest (2nd grade) son’s team. My theory is that the children of head coaches have a biological and environmental advantage over the other players on the team. So let me explain…
For the last two years, as a Head Coach, I have struggled with my oldest son playing starting quarterback on my tackle football team. When Berndt, “Bear”, was younger, on his flag teams, he was the back-up quarterback and starting center for our spread offense. Bear played Center in flag, because we had a QB prodigy on our flag team.
Two years ago, when I was given the opportunity to coach Bear’s tackle team, I assigned the position responsibilities to my Offensive Coordinator. Our first year, we went through try outs and the Offensive Coordinator chose my son as the starting QB. I was not happy with this decision because of the parent political issues this was going to cause.
And for two years, Bear playing QB always comes up as favoritism. But is it really? My Offensive Coordinator assigns the backfield positions, not me. I work with the offensive line. In our first year, I actually argued against my oldest son playing quarterback, because I thought he wasn’t assertive & competitive enough as a leader. I am now a believer that Bear is a “real” QB, but only until the last few games of least season. It’s taken me four years to believe he should be the starting Quarterback; 2 flag & 2 tackle.
Now, my youngest son, Zane, was the starting QB on his flag team, even after missing two weeks with a broken collarbone. Zane is much more like me as a leader and a natural athlete. He’s fun to watch. Is it surprising to me that another coaching staff has chosen my son as a quarterback? Yes, but that’s only because I never played QB. How can this be? Two son’s starting skill players?
Since I have been struggling with my own internal favoritism issues, I postulated this theory. Head Coach’s sons have an advantage over other pee wee football players, because their biological father and dad is the Head Coach. It’s a biological and environmental advantage. Maybe or maybe not?
One could say, the children of Head Coaches are exposed to the sport at a very early age. My boys had footballs in their cribs, and we watch NFL football games together as a family. We live and breathe football in the Parker home. I know a baseball head coach that is the same way about baseball. I have been practicing football with my boys since they were 3. They watch me draw up plays, read football books, watch football instructional DVDs and we practice football skills at least once or twice a week during the off-season.
So is it favoritism that Head Coaches’ children are starters in key positions on youth sports team. I would say no. OK, so there are a few that show favoritism, but coaches’ children are predisposed, biologically and environmentally, to have an advantage over the other players.
Let me know what you think about my theory. Thanks and have a good season.
Favoritism in Youth Football Article Updated 2020
As a 2020 update to this original 2008 post on favoritism in youth football and youth sports, I was surprised to find over the last 12 years this is the most commented on blog post at CoachParker.org. I had no idea that this article would spark such fury on the internet. It does attract many soccer parents who want to hang me and call me an idiot. Always much appreciated.
Both of my sons have graduated high school and are in college now. Both played football through their Sophomore year. They were starting QBs, RBs and WRs on offense and both played OLBs on Defense through Jr High and HS. My oldest son Bear also Lettered in Cross Country and went to the State tourney with his CC team. My youngest son never really hit a growth spurt so he decided to work instead. He was a great youth football player as was his older brother. I loved coaching them both.
I continued to coach youth football even after my sons were too old to play for me and my teams. I never played favorites with my sons and I never did with our recruited drafted players. I judge everyone equally and tough on all. Just ask my two boys.
I hope you enjoyed this favoritism in youth football article. Please leave a comment below and like and or share the article.
You can also contact me if you have any suggestions, comments, questions, about coaching youth football.
Remember to Play for Fun and Winning is Funner!
Coach Parker
Fort Worth, Texas / Keller TX
update 4/13/2020 – 2020 Gutenbergz
I agree with your theory to a certain point, but would like to point out to ALL youth coaches that in the early years of any sport, most leagues are considered “developmental”. It is your role as a coach to teach this sport and the skill set needed to play each position to each and EVERY player. At the older ages, playing the strongest is more understandable, but from a parent (and board member’s) perspective, hearing horror stories about the coach’s kid being late to or missing practices while still getting the majority of playing time while others warm the bench is frustrating and disheartening. It’s even worse when the coaches at the next level bitch that the players they’re getting don’t know what they’re doing.
If you coach, it needs to be for ALL the kids on your team, not just a chosen few. It should also be understood, after hearing today from a coach that “generally the strongest 11 are played at defense” in youth football means that the other 14 kids on the team receive little to no training on defense, that you are ensuring the death of the league after you’ve moved on. Parents talk. Most leagues need them to volunteer for the Snack Shack, donate things, fundraise, etc. You’re shooting yourselves in the foot while guaranteeing you only have 11 players who can play defense in the future.
Thanks for your post. Please remember that most youth football coaches are volunteers and unpaid. We spend at least 20 hours a week and some, like me, close to 40 hours a week during the football season. We are also human and have many imperfections and must coach 25 players on the team and their parents. So we make mistakes, as I am sure everyone does.
I must disagree, it is not the coach’s responsibility to coach each position to each individual player. We should teach the general concepts of each position to the players but we do not have the time in practice to teach each player each position in detail to play that position in the game. It is also the player’s responsibility to learn the game outside of the time spent in practice. The Internet is filled with great resources for players to learn football.
As Coaches we want to play every player on the team, but some players are not ready to be starters or play in the game more than the minimum plays required. Many times we are concerned for the player’s safety and their confidence as a player.
We also must balance winning with play time. Even though parents want everyone to play, the boo birds hover over the coaches when the team loses almost every game because we are playing everyone. Been there done that one. Instead of having a few parents mad at the coaches, then you have about 80% of the parents very upset about losing.
Like life, coaching is balance.
Steve264, wish you coached here. As a fellow coach and board member for three different youth leagues, I understand volunteer coaches aren’t paid and well aware of the hours put in. It’s also well understood there’s a time and place for the stronger players to be played; that’s never been questioned. But when your coaches have no stated minimum play requirements and they chose to ignore the governing body’s rules that at these levels players are to receive equitable playing time, what does a parent do? What does a board do? This isn’t an issue with safety or concern for the kids. This is an issue where there’s blatant favoritism and it’s killing our league. They’re not losing almost every game because everyone plays – they’re losing almost every game because only half the team plays; they haven’t had a chance to see if they’d win if the other kids took the field. And now the parents, who we count on to volunteer in other ways besides coaching (donating goods and time for the snack bar, buying fundraisers, etc.) are ticked, and the volunteers are down. Our drop-out rate is 47%, up from 31% the year before. Our older level coaches are pissed because they’re getting fewer kids with less skills because at some point, the coaches’ kids are losing interest themselves and dropping out. And our high school coaches are experiencing the worst losing streak of the past 30 years.
Yes, everyone is human, but while there’s some pieces of work out there for parents, so are there for coaches. Other youth sports leagues have begun to address the lack of training volunteer coaches have, because guess what? Having played in high school doesn’t make you a good coach. Nor does being the one willing to volunteer. Again, this is the U6/8 soccer, the youngest levels of hockey and baseball, the D and JVC team football coaches – the developmental leagues where the governing bodies’ stated mission is to teach the fundamentals of the game. The best thing I ever heard a coach at the lower levels say was “my goal is to have all your kids want to play this sport again next season”. Give your players a positive coaching experience – telling them “you suck” (yes, a statement heard from one of the coaches) is NOT acceptable. Period.
I also agree it’s not the coach’s responsibility to teach each position to each individual player – perhaps I stated my sentiment the wrong way. If you want to coach, you agree to the governing body’s bylaws. If the rule is “equal playing time for Team X”, and you’re coaching Team X, follow the rules or don’t coach. If the league says “Coaches at Y level are to teach the fundamentals”, then teach the fundamentals, even if it’s only recommending some of those websites you mentioned.
And while your statement about learning the game outside of practice is totally valid, I would ask you – what do you do when a player has done that, but is never given the chance to show he can play the position? These coaches began the first practice having already assigned kids to roles without evaluating new players – they’d never seen some of these kids play (new to the city/first year playing). Can you guess which kids are in those roles?
Coaching IS a balance. Just like 1% of the parents will be thorns in your side, 1% of the coaches will be the type that kids remember as “the Coach from Hell”. Players know who’s in it only for their kid and who’s in it to support all their players. And if you are in a league with a high drop-out rate (47% from last year, up from 31% the year before), it may be time to look into why kids, parents, volunteers and sponsors are walking away from you.
Dont kid yourself.
After reading the article and many post, I have to ask. What about the coaches who start their kids (or have them go both ways) when the kids is not that good (and with one coach, his son didnt want to play)?
My son coach had his son as starting outside LB and the kid was afraid to hit/tackle. Most of the tackles he made was because he could not get out of the way in time, or he jumped in as the ball carrier was on his way down.
When parents in the stands see this and see other kids who are just learning and/or want to be on the field forced to sit a majority of the game, it tends to stir the anger.
Coaches need to be objective when evaluating all player, including their own kids. We had 30+ on our team (2nd & 3rd graders) and as hard as it is to ensure that all kids get decent time on the field, in this case, it could have been easier had the coaches kids shared time and not played both ways.
Unfortunately some coaches are not objective about evaluating their children and or they have decided that their children will play since they are volunteering all this time to coach. Coaches also feel comfortable with their children in certain positions because they trust them.
Like anything, there are coaches that play favorites and hurt the team. This should not occur but does. At some point, his assistant coaches or team mom must have an honest discussion with the head coach.
Based on your post, One of the main issues with your team was the size. 30+ players on a team is very large. I like 18-22 players on my football teams, after that it is tough to substitute players. So just by the size of the team will cause play time issues and then its down hill from there.
One problem we ran into last season was size. Our team was K-2nd grade team. We had 22 kids on the team, of those 22 4 were stripers, and 2 others would “qualify” as line man. So we have 22 kids, 22 positions to fill (11 off. and 11 def) of those 22 positions, 10 (5 ol and 5 dl) were filled by 6 kids. Now we have 10 positions and 16 kids left over. Does not sound too bad until you figure of those 16 kids 9 were in kindergarten and averaged about 35-40 lbs, and some of them would cry everytime they gave or received a hit. One 1st grader would play for a couple of min. then ask to come out. So now we are down to 15 kids, 9 of which were in kindergarten and tiny. Figgure a team out of that mess, and get everyone playing time. Glad I wasn’t the head coach. The coach asked each kid who was elligable if they wanted to run the ball, many said no, so they were reduced to defence only, as they were too small for the line and did not want the ball. Now, since they would not play off., that reduced their available time by half, since the ones willing to play off. wanted time on def as well, the reduced the def only kids to even less time. We had one of the smallest kids on the team, (about 45 lbs) by the end of the season was either carying the ball, starting OLB or blocking full back, because he was fearless, and loved to hit. But some of the younger ones, were not only small and slow, they were afraid. By the end of the season one had toughened up to where he would only cry if he took a fairly hard hit. (at start he cried on every hit) We had parents complain when their kid did not run the ball even though their kid said he did not wont to cary the ball. Though our coach played his son at QB, and he was not the best QB on the team in my opp. he also played others at that position, though maybe not as much. Looking forward to next years 3rd 4th grade team. Should be closer size matchups anyway. Sorry if I rambled too much, but maybe that will give you an idea of what a coach has to deal with to get playing time for all, and set his depth chart.
I too experienced being the Head Coach of a team whos son was the starting quarterback and I do agree that there are advantages to having your quarterback live under the same roof to discuss situations, watch film, etc.
I always belived that in any position you start the best player for the job regardless!
I palyed and my 2 sons have both played. My kids never started but wow when we went into school ball both my sons made middle linbacker A team. and have held it into high school. all the coaches sons started both ways most of the time and they did not make the A team with my sons. daddy ball will always be daddy ball and the more involved you are you more your kids play.
Thanks for your comment. Every situation is different and coaches see different things in different players. Plus each year players mature and change. I’ve seen minimum play players one year progress to starting positions this next season and starters become min play players.
Since I wrote this this article several years ago, I do see more daddy coaches and favoritism, especially since I look for it now based on the popularity of this article. All coaches should play their best players. When my son’s are on my teams I do not coach their positions. I also enjoy coaching teams when I do not have a son on the team. It is so much easier dealing with parents when your son is not on the team.
I am an advocate of leagues not allowing coach’s children on their teams. But many leagues would not have enough coaches to coach. So, many of us will see coaches children play more because that’s the price of volunteer coaches.. Or you could pay $20k a year for a professional coach to coach your child’s team. This is what a friend of mine is paying for an soccer coach salary for a select team.
Thanks again
Coach Parker
We are on ur second practice and they have already assigned 7 out of about thirty kids to the qb rb positions. How do they know who can do what after only one practice game? Three out of the seven are sons of the coaches. Should I be concerned….does it sound like favortism?
It is not uncommon for the coaches to assign a first group of QBs and RBs after the first one or two practices, especially if they already know many of the players prior to the first practice. When you assign players to these positions, they are looking for the fastest kids with the most coordination and football skills. It is really easy to find who these players in the first one or two practices by timing 20 yard and 40 yard sprints. Of course you adjust these skill players as practices progresses and you may see players that you missed earlier.
Also, you can assign lineman pretty quickly based on weight and league weight rules. In some leagues, players over a certain weight cannot carry the ball or play behind the Line of Scrimmage. Sometimes, a player might make a great RB but because of his size and ability to block and pull, you want him at guard, so a smaller RB with almost the same RB skills will run the ball behind better blocking.
Plus, different coaches want and see different things from players. What I might think is my perfect QB another coach may think he is a TE. This could be because of different offensive formations and schemes. It is very subjective about picking and assigning players plus its hard evaluating youth football players. And coaches want to pick the skill positions early so the players can start learning and repping plays. You must rep rep rep.
If the 7 that the coaches picked are the fastest kids on the team, I would not worry so much unless those 7 fumble all the time or cant remember the plays.
Thanks again
Coach Parker