The Head Coach’s Son; Favoritism in Youth Football / Sports #1 Popular Parent Topic
I am sure many will argue that there is favoritism in youth football. I will agree too. After 30 seasons coaching youth football and other youth sports, there is a ton of favoritism. Daddy ball is alive and well, and in my analysis is why many youth football teams lose in our youth football league. (2020 Update) Find out how to become the coach’s favorite in this podcast.
Ok, so this may not be the most popular article for parents, but someone needs to put the theory out there, and yes I say theory, about the Head Coach’s son and children. I am a Head Coach, and both my son’s play Quarterback for their youth football teams. I was an offensive guard at their ages, so I am slightly jealous. But anyway, I am Head Coach for my oldest son’s team (5th grade) and am a parent spectator for my youngest (2nd grade) son’s team. My theory is that the children of head coaches have a biological and environmental advantage over the other players on the team. So let me explain…
For the last two years, as a Head Coach, I have struggled with my oldest son playing starting quarterback on my tackle football team. When Berndt, “Bear”, was younger, on his flag teams, he was the back-up quarterback and starting center for our spread offense. Bear played Center in flag, because we had a QB prodigy on our flag team.
Two years ago, when I was given the opportunity to coach Bear’s tackle team, I assigned the position responsibilities to my Offensive Coordinator. Our first year, we went through try outs and the Offensive Coordinator chose my son as the starting QB. I was not happy with this decision because of the parent political issues this was going to cause.
And for two years, Bear playing QB always comes up as favoritism. But is it really? My Offensive Coordinator assigns the backfield positions, not me. I work with the offensive line. In our first year, I actually argued against my oldest son playing quarterback, because I thought he wasn’t assertive & competitive enough as a leader. I am now a believer that Bear is a “real” QB, but only until the last few games of least season. It’s taken me four years to believe he should be the starting Quarterback; 2 flag & 2 tackle.
Now, my youngest son, Zane, was the starting QB on his flag team, even after missing two weeks with a broken collarbone. Zane is much more like me as a leader and a natural athlete. He’s fun to watch. Is it surprising to me that another coaching staff has chosen my son as a quarterback? Yes, but that’s only because I never played QB. How can this be? Two son’s starting skill players?
Since I have been struggling with my own internal favoritism issues, I postulated this theory. Head Coach’s sons have an advantage over other pee wee football players, because their biological father and dad is the Head Coach. It’s a biological and environmental advantage. Maybe or maybe not?
One could say, the children of Head Coaches are exposed to the sport at a very early age. My boys had footballs in their cribs, and we watch NFL football games together as a family. We live and breathe football in the Parker home. I know a baseball head coach that is the same way about baseball. I have been practicing football with my boys since they were 3. They watch me draw up plays, read football books, watch football instructional DVDs and we practice football skills at least once or twice a week during the off-season.
So is it favoritism that Head Coaches’ children are starters in key positions on youth sports team. I would say no. OK, so there are a few that show favoritism, but coaches’ children are predisposed, biologically and environmentally, to have an advantage over the other players.
Let me know what you think about my theory. Thanks and have a good season.
Favoritism in Youth Football Article Updated 2020
As a 2020 update to this original 2008 post on favoritism in youth football and youth sports, I was surprised to find over the last 12 years this is the most commented on blog post at CoachParker.org. I had no idea that this article would spark such fury on the internet. It does attract many soccer parents who want to hang me and call me an idiot. Always much appreciated.
Both of my sons have graduated high school and are in college now. Both played football through their Sophomore year. They were starting QBs, RBs and WRs on offense and both played OLBs on Defense through Jr High and HS. My oldest son Bear also Lettered in Cross Country and went to the State tourney with his CC team. My youngest son never really hit a growth spurt so he decided to work instead. He was a great youth football player as was his older brother. I loved coaching them both.
I continued to coach youth football even after my sons were too old to play for me and my teams. I never played favorites with my sons and I never did with our recruited drafted players. I judge everyone equally and tough on all. Just ask my two boys.
I hope you enjoyed this favoritism in youth football article. Please leave a comment below and like and or share the article.
You can also contact me if you have any suggestions, comments, questions, about coaching youth football.
Remember to Play for Fun and Winning is Funner!
Coach Parker
Fort Worth, Texas / Keller TX
update 4/13/2020 – 2020 Gutenbergz
My 7 year-old son is in his 1st year in playing pee wee football (6/7/8 year olds). I have attended and watched every practice closely and during the 1st week of practice (conditioning week) he was usually finished 1st or 2nd in the 20 and 40 yard dashes, thus he is one of the fastest kids, if not the fastest kid on the team. Once they issued equipment (2nd week) his speed held true. Based on this alone I was certain that he would take repetitions with the RB/QB group, however to my surprise I was stunned when they placed him with the defensive unit. Come to find out 5 of the 6 kids in the RB/QB group are sons’ of the coaches (6 coaches on the team). The next day the head coach sent out an email to all parent assuring us that there are no positions set as of yet and everyone will be alloted the same opportunites at all position. We are in week 3 and yet the same kids are in the same groups. My son has asked me why has he not been allowed to run the ball at practice as of yet, and I honestly don’t know what to tell him. I noticed that in the last few practices he is starting to lose some interest, and when the coach gives him reps on offense they line him up at split end (they never throw the ball). None of the kids in the skill position group are as fast as my son, and the only thing they do have on him is 1-year of experience. I can ONLY attribute this to NEPOTISM. I’m my son’s baseball coach myself, and I was usually the hardest on my son. I always tried to move him around in the batting order just to avoid this issue. I really do not want to confront the coaches, however 3-weeks in none of the skill position players blow me away and they have yet to give other kids opportunities. Head scratcher!!!!!!
UPDATE: The season is finally over. The team finished 1-7, and it wasn’t a surprise based on the lack of talent they had at the skill positions, and lack of leadership by the head coach. Not ONE kid ran the ball this year unless his father was on the coaching staff (6 coaches). There were 23 kids on the team and only about 14 of them played regularly. The other 9 kids only saw time on kickoffs, a few plays or not play at all. 8 kids started both ways. In one game they put a small kid who barely played at RB (another coach’s son of course) who ran the towards the wrong endzone to avoid being hit. By mid-season most of the parents were irate midway about playing time issues and the nepotism at the skill positions .. so much that numerous emails were sent to the head coach about the problem. The coach called a parents meeting basically saying that, ‘he is going to play who HE thinks should play and playing time is not guaranteed ‘. As for my son he was NEVER giver an opportunity to run the ball in practice or a game (again he was the fastest player on the team). Every parent and some coaches knew my son was fastest kid, and they could not beleive that he wasn’t getting reps at RB. My son played TE on offense, however he was just a glorified lineman as they NEVER threw the ball. On defense he was the starting outside LB and usually lead the team in tackles and hits in the backfield in each game. Two of the coaches told me personally that they suggested to the head coach that they make my son a RB, and they were both shot down by the head coach. Going through this season it was pretty evident that the head coach was only concerned with micro-managing his son who started at QB, middle linebacker, kicker and kick returner . The offensive play calling consisted of QB keepers about 70% of the time. His son only scored about 3 TD’s the whole season eventhough he ran the ball the majority of the time. No matter what the score the head coach’s son NEVER came out of a game. His son is a decent player, however he should be when he is getting all the reps in practice and the games. My son acutally played about 95% of the snaps this year. Honestly, I thought he played a little too much. At one point I even asked that he be pulled off of starting offense to give other kids an opportunity to play. But I was told he was one of the best blockers they had. It was a sad display of teaching the fundamentals of the game, by the head coach, all season long and it was apparent to all who watched. Next year I will be looking for another league for my son to play in.
My son was never exposed to football until I signed him up for football at the age of 6. His Dad played college football and was drafted to the Pros; an injury during camp prevented him from playing. My son never watched football on T.V. and his Dad never forced it on him. He didn’t want to burn him out at an early age and cause him to dislike football. The Coaches picked up on my sons natural “raw” talent immediately. I used him as an example to show the other kids how to correctly do the warm-up exercises. The other parents seeing this insisted that he had played football before and was older than he was. This was not the case, he had never played, never watched it and in fact, he was on of the youngest on the team but very tall for his age. He was very competitive and the fastest player on the team. He played on both sides offense and defense. He scored an average of 3 or 4 touchdowns a game, and made 8 or 9 tackles. Four of the six Coaches wanted to make him MVP but the head coach was against it. The kids would all sit around talking about my son being the best player on the team. My child was and still is a very humble child, even after hearing his name repeatedly announced over the intercom for making touchdowns and tackles, he never was boastful. I’m saying this to say that all the Coaches that said their kids are better kids because they live it and breathe it at home. How can you explain my childs performance since he didn’t live in that type of environment? I believe there are a lot of other talented kids out there that are not given the chance to show what they can do because of all the Daddy coaches! It might hold true for some kids but not for all because we had six coaches with six kids and four wanted to make my child the MVP. The head coach didn’t agree because he didn’t want to disappoint his child that didn’t have a fraction of the talent that my son had. Half of the touchdowns he made were with my childs assistance. My child could run the ball from one field to the other and get tackled right before the touchdown, then the head coach would give the ball to his son to make the touchdown. It didn’t bother me because I said that a lot of these coaches kids are going to be in for a rude awakening when they get in the real world without their Daddies coaching and they realize they are not as good as they thought they were. My son took a year off from football because his Dad insisted that he take a year off. Well he’s back this year and even with a year off, while the other kids have continued to play, they still can’t compare. I don’t care how much playing time their Daddies give them, when you continue to hear your childs name called over the intercom and the parents on the sidelines call out his name, and the opponents parents come up and compliment your childs abilities after the game….that lets you know who the true talent is! Keep your heads up parents! This Daddy coaching won’t last always. Keep your child encouraged and just because they live in the same house as the Coach doesn’t make them better players. I’m a witness!!
It sounds like your son is a stud youth football player. I am sure any coach would be extremely happy to have you and your son on their team. It sounds like you are upset that your son did not get the season MVP award. My two son’s have never won the season MVP award and there are better players on my teams that deserve the award more then my two Daddy Coach’s sons.
You were in a bad situation, please do not hate every youth football coach. We are unpaid volunteers just doing our best with what we have, which is usually not much. Coaching is so much easier when you have supportive parents, especially when your son is getting a ton of playing time and put in opportunities for success.
I am sure it was a disappointment not to win the MVP, but surely your son is happy to have had an outstanding season. I’m not sure about all the details of your situation, but the MVP is not just about talent on the field alone but leadership and respect from the other players. Plus, if certain parents are boo birds that hurts their children’s chances of winning awards too. Were u an MVP in the stands?
Thanks for your post.
Coach Parker
I agree,going through this right now with baseball,my twins play half the game,no club ball,one boy hits line drives over the fence,they get no chance of pitching,its all about the clique.When these kids get out in the real world they will find out they are not that good,sad for me to watch this.Talent is talent.
You’re kidding yourself and no-one else. You’re looking for a justification for your favoritism, inside deals, and, frankly, corruption. Biological advantage? Pleeeze. Really? Are you serious? Hopefully your son will grow up to be fair-minded with a stronger sense of justice. I always thought most coaches were meat heads. This is more evidence. I have been a coach (and a big sponsor), and have put team captain decisions to a vote. As a coach, I will add that there should never be no more than one coach and an assistant coach (with “add-on” assistant coaches pulling strings and throwing their kid as center, goalie, or whatever favorite position he or she wants….). There should be a coach, and NOT half the teams’ kids’ fathers serving or acting as assistant coaches, or think that they are assistant coaches. Corruption begins young, and sports is a shining example that life is not fair; that connections are king. It’s too bad that it starts so early. (I imagine that your youngest son’s coach has a kid on your team?? Or wants something from you??… At any rate, again… connections, I see it all the time, as a sponsor and as a coach, so no-one is fooled…..) I have tried to be fair-minded, and know that people have given my sons advantages because I am rich/sponsor, or because I have been a coach…. but I don’t kid myself either. And I at least try to make it a fair process and don’t lie to myself either….
Hi Teddy
Thanks for your post. Maybe you should look in the mirror. It sounds like there are other issues with you and your children involved in your coaching and big sponsor choices. I do not know you and vice versa, so I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
Thanks again for your post and I wish you and yours all the best this Holiday season.
Coach Parker
I see no shortage of volunteer ceoaches. Its a privaledge to coach and I don’t believe a coach shortage exists anywhere. I believe plenty of knowledgeable folks want to coach. So if you think someone would not be glad to take your spot. Step down and see. Nobodys irreplacable. Look at the late great Joe Pa. A truly Great coach. I wonder if he would have coached for nothing just to be able to one more year.
I spoke up on the nepotism and favoritism on my son’s team last week, now he is getting no play time…. It’s breaking my heart that his coaches are taking their personal vendetta against me out on my son…. My son is a track person and he wants to play Corner Back, but they never let him try out for the position, despite him being one of the fastest sprinters on the team (and one of the smallest at 85 pounds…. weight limit is 130). Their are 8 coaches on my son’s team, 7 of them have son’s on the team that start both ways. The team managers children play and start as well. Did I mention that it is 35 kids on the team? They put my son on the DL, and right before the first game I noticed his confidence started getting high. In that first game he had 4 tackles and a fumble recovery. In the second game he had 5 tackles a fumble recovery and a INT (from the DL). During that next week of practice me and one of the coaches had an argument about him not giving my son a chance to play CB, and the Third game my son played a league minimum 4 plays per half at Offensive Guard & Offensive Tackle…. Today, Game four he played, 4 plays OG in the first half and 3 in the 2nd half….. All of this because I spoke out on the obvious favoritism and nepotism… Now my son’s spirit is down and I feel so bad for him and I’m so angry at the coaching staff…. Coaches should NEVER take a personal quarrel between he and the parent out on the child….. And what bothers me most is that the orginazation is defending this fool and the parents are now divided. Some parents are angry and some say why change things if they are winning…..
oh well, I just needed to get this off my chest……
The main problem with play time on your son’s team is 35 players on the team. This is too many players on a youth football team, so no one is getting enough playtime.
It sounds like the coaches thought highly of your son and they put him in a position of success if he made 5 tackles a game plus a turnover on defensive line. Especially since there are 35 players on your team. It sounds like your son was getting good play time before you had an arguement about nepotism and favoritism. There are usually only about 35 to 40 plays on defense a game so he was making 15% of the tackles on defense. Pretty good playtime and success rate. Maybe the coaches knew he was fast enough to burst by the slow offensive lineman and make tackles.
Just because your son wants to play CB doesn’t mean the team and or coaches will let him try out for CB. If the team is a veteran team with players that play CB then they may not let anyone just start playing CB. They may eventually work a new player into that position but will not put a rookie at CB. Unless the rookie is Deione Sanders I would not put a rookie at CB on my team because I use CB like LBs. Coaches like a player to earn some trust with them. Unfortunately sometimes, we trust our own kids, but that’s because we know them. So sometimes, trust of a player might be also called nepotism and or favoritism.
Also, just because your son is a track star does not make him a good CB. Your team might play weaker players at CB and use them just as contain men to funnel everyone back to the inside. If this is the case, then maybe they want better players on the defensive line. I am not sure what your coaches play on defense, but it does seem like your son was playing on defense and successful.
Since there are so many on your team at 35 players and your son was getting a pretty good amount of playtime before you had an argument with one of the coaches, then you might have upset them. Coaches are human too, if you argue with one then you might hurt your son’s play time. They are in control of the team not you.
It always surprises me when a starting player’s parent or a player with significant playtime asks me about more playtime or a move to another position and then starts arguing with me about coaching football and playtime dynamics. We are coaching a TEAM sport not an individual sport, we must do right for the TEAM not just your son.
You make some real good points, coach. But, it’s a little deeper than that, as I’m not the only parent seeing what’s going on. I’m well aware that football is a team sport, and not a family sport either for that matter, but my son played as an opportunist, he made most of his tackles from pursuing the plays from behind. Just flat out hustle, which is what he should be doing. And No my son never got a significant amount if playing time, he is just hustleing his butt off. Now, back to the nepotism, 7 out of 8 coaches kids start both ways and the rest of the kids parents are administrators, and to make matters worse is that some of these kids aren’t even that talented….. And by the way, I am not the only parent that has noticed this. My intent was not to offend any coaches. My intent was to ask them to give some other kids a shot, or at least to evaluate the children fairly and objectively. None the less, an adult man should not take his animosity towards another man out on a child. Period! The line has to be drawn….. Thank you for responding and I hope I didn’t offend you in any way.
Other kids who’s Dads do not coach may also live and breathe the sport, their Dad’s are just not off early enough to coach. It does not mean the kid whose Dad coaches is a better player!
I agree not every coach’s kid is the best player on the team, but after almost 20 years of coaching, coaches’ kids seem to be better than average players on my teams and others.