Since my last favoritism post is the most read and the post I get the most email about, I thought I would try and answer some of the emails in this post. I agree that there is favoritism at all levels of youth sports. I also think that each coach has a different set of qualities and attributes that they look for in a player and parents see their children through rose colored glasses which always makes them seem the best, and there is nothing wrong with that because you love them and want the best for them.
Last year my youngest son played for a youth football team and played back-up quarterback behind the head coach’s son. I admit I was not happy about this situation but honestly the head coach’s son was a better QB than my son last season. I am not happy my son did not start QB, but was that the coach’s fault?
Also since different coaches see different qualities and skills in a player, one coach may find your child a starter and another coach may not see your son as a starter. Since I am not coaching this year, I am watching my two son’s teams and see players that I would use in different positions than they are currently being used. Plus coaches run different offenses and defenses which may require different skill sets. My oldest son, who has started as QB the last three years is a back up QB on his new team because the Keller Kanes run an option offense. Berndt is not an option style QB, so he is the starting Tight End this year and loves it. He loves blocking and catching passes which is has not done in the past. He’s also starting on defense at defensive tackle and loves defense, especially since I did not let him play defense as a starting QB. He actually asked to be moved from MLB to D-tackle because he loves the hitting. I never knew. Am I happy Berndt is not starting at QB? No, but when I step back, Bear is not the best option QB on the team.
Yes, many coaches feel it is a right to play their son or relative in a certain position. This happened on a baseball team I helped coach last summer. The head coach told me that since he was coach, his son would play first base and that was final. Well, we had words and I lost. His son wound up playing first and he did not do a bad job, as a matter of fact the best first baseman played third and made a great 3rd baseman. So it worked out in the end. What’s the moral of this story? If you want to guarantee your son or relative to play a certain youth sports position then you should commit the time to coach. (I strongly disagree with coaching just so your child can play a certain position.) Yes, its unfair to some kids but most of the coaches are unpaid volunteers so I guess this is the price you pay by not coaching. I started coaching to insure my sons were coached properly and if I do not coach them, I do my research on the team and coach. Before we moved to Keller I researched the DFW football leagues and we moved to an area with a good youth sports program, Keller Sports Association.
Yes, you should talk to the coach if you feel your child is not getting the play time. Do not be confrontational or argue with the coach. Don’t become a pest. One of my closest friends in Denver became a pest and was confrontational to a head coach and his son was benched. There is a fine line, but you should have at least one conversation and if you can’t control your emotions call them or email them.
Like I said in my last post, if your child is better than the coach’s son or favorite, based on the coach’s evaluation, I am sure your child will play. If your child is equal or just a touch better than thier son, well you might be out of luck. Coaches want to win. I do believe the better coaches will play the best players and they do not have nefarious schemes not to play your child.
Play for Fun and Winning is Funner.