So your child is not a starter, Oh NO!
A blog comment today about how one youth football league’s players must all be starters lifted me on to my soap box and my mind is stirring about minimum play players, favoritism, and starting positions. The Favoritism topic is the most read topic on my blog. I have written only a few articles on the subject, but because the subject is not sport specific the articles are heavily read. I am sure this blog post about starting will generate similar interest and comments / email. I hope I do not offend anyone. Forgive me if I do.
Can we all be starters? I am sure if we want to lower the expectations of the team, game, league and sport, we can all be starters. At what point does dumbing down a team, league, game or sport start hurting the long term development of the players, not only as athletes but competitors in a world market were Chinese children are being unfairly manipulated and mutated to compete against our children which are being softened by everyone gets a trophy and no one gets left behind programs. We in the US continually lower the standards so everyone can pass or play. When has been being not as good as someone else in a sport or topic been an error or crime not of that person but on the teacher, coach or boss. Why is blame for poor performance continually redirected at someone other than the low performing person? And should any blame be directed or redirected. Maybe a person is not good at football but a Pele at Soccer. Is not being good or the best at a subject or a starter a real problem to be address be society or governments?
I just posed this question on my Twitter account @CoachParker_org, “Because I am not a F1000 CEO, Sr VP, VP, or Director, a starter in business, should my mom call GE, Apple, MS and ask why I am not the starting CEO or Sr VP?”
I know that sounds so strange for a 47 year old man to ask that question, but the average age for a CEO in the US is around 55 years old. In the 1970’s it was close to 60 years old. So in terms of CEO experience I am at Pee Wee CEO age. I do have 7 years experience as a Sr. Manager at EDS, now part of HP, as a strategic marketing manager preparing strategic marketing and business plans presented to the CEO and Executive Board, and I have 4 years experience as a CEO of a small sporting goods company. I have played the business game as an eager utility manager, but my dream has always been to become a F1000 CEO or Sr VP or a NFL starting linebacker or fullback. I know now through experience I will become neither, my performance at critical times did not warrant an invite to the Select teams with GE, MS, Apple or the Dallas Cowboys. I am not complaining. I am just being realistic.
Ok, so my mother is still upset that I did not live up to my potential and become the CEO of Ford or Intel. Maybe she should have realized when I was not accepted to Harvard but Texas A&M that my F1000 CEO talent maybe lacking. She never did. I am sure if the Ford Executive board was 10 yards away from her 3 to 4 days a week, she would let them know how great I was when I was at EDS and when I won my 2nd grade business project and that she still has the 1st place ribbon. I am sure her heckles from the sidelines will influence Ford to hire me. But I digress.
OK, so your child is not a starter either. Well, is that the end of the world? What is your child really good at? Maybe you should determine 5 to 10 things that your child is interested in doing and find out if they are good at it any of them. If they are NOT good at a few mark them off your list. Don’t allow your child to join a team if they are not good at the sport, it’s unfair for everyone involved. If you want your child to try out a sport, enroll them in a camp before signing them up for a league team. A week long camp will tell your child and you if they are able to become proficient at the sport or topic.
I’m not sure why parents have decided to let children try everything. Help your child find their special niche based on their unique individual abilities not yours. I recently found out my youngest son is a pretty good Soccer player maybe even better at Soccer than Football. Yes, that hurts my feelings a bit, but I love watching him play Soccer. He is really that good. Maybe my football dreams got in his way for a few years. We will soon see.
Would you push your child to play Chess everyday and attend Chess tournaments if they continually lost every match at the chess tournaments? I know I eventually quit the Chess team after getting spanked at a few 6th grade tournaments. My dad loves Chess, but I am not a tournament Chess player. I can beat my friends but not “real” competition. My dad was not as upset with me, because dad and I began playing Racquetball together. We found a new interest and sport to enjoy. Not Chess.
Parents, please do everyone coaching and teaching a favor. If you know your child cannot sing, please do not sign them up for American Idol.
What if they lack the skill but want to play!! I I think the staff then should help the player not tell him, you suck go try a different sport.
No one said they were going to tell the player they suck. The article was about starting and play time. Most coaches will take the time to teach a player without the skills of the sport. The issue is when the parents want a player that does not have the skills YET to play a majority of plays or start in a game. We all can’t be starters. Some players are back-ups. I was a back-up baseball catcher and basketball guard. I did not start those sports. I did not get much play time either. No big deal. I did learn a ton at practice. Practice is where players learn the game, not during the game. Do your best at practice and you will get some play time in the games.
Thanks
Coach Parker
Okay… We do see the point about parents getting involved and demand their kids get play time/start time. That is up to the player to show his heart at sport.
Hey Coach,
This is my sons 1st year playing ( 8 yrs old ) and my first year assistant coaching. He is on a team of almost all previous players. When he is not on the field at practice or a game I have him watch the kids at his positions and the opposing player and I also pay a lot of attention to what the experienced coaches are doing and saying ( including you ). I work a lot with him at home also.He and I have learned so much in a short time and now he starts on defense and rotates starting at QB without me asking for anything from the other coaches. I try to get him into everything he ( and I ) can handle and see what sticks. It’s all good at this age. Next is wrestling !
Thanks for this great blog and keep up the good work,
Bill
If a child wants to play, and they have heart, then physical ability can be overcome by technique, tenacity and effort. If a child wants to play, they can, but starting positions have to be earned, else we are teaching our children that they don’t have to try hard, they can just goof off and be just as well off as anyone else on the team. When did this country become a bunch of cream puffs? If you want to be successful in this world you have to work, and work hard, and some times that’s not enough. So why are we setting the bar so low? If a child has already achieved their goal to obtain a starting position, and there is no one to challenge them to keep that position, why improve? Why work hard if you don’t have to? Check your history, that’s why Communism has failed in every country except one or two. If we are assigned a job, and we get the same pay and benefits as everyone else that is assigned that job, no matter what, then why try hard? Why excel if it will not benefit you? How will our children grow, if we don’t challenge them? How will they get better if they have no reason to? So your child sucks at football, find something he or she can do well. My son sucks at basketball, I played varsity basketball in HS not football, I ran track and cross country, I never played football past youth league. It happens, they are not us. They are them, let them do what they are good at, not what we were good or what we want them to be good at. Help our children by teaching them to earn what they want.
I hear you, but the issue with my son is he actually is good, but due to obvious favoritism by the coaches he plays sparingly and not at the position/positions he excels at .It is his 1st year at 8 years old playing with 9-11 year olds mostly, but when up against the coaches son (the quarterback) he would display a stronger arm, more accuracy and with the same attention and opportunity the coachs son gets he would learn the plays as well. also he has the best hands on the team, top 5 in speed, but is not buddies with the coaches son click so he plays tight end spaingly.I really am trying to avoid speaking to the coach about this, but on the other hand feel as though this is a wasted chance for good experience. feedback is appreciated, thanks
Our youth football league has a minumum (10) play per game rule which is fine. Some coaches push for minimum of 15/game. We have a exceptional High School program that is feed by our youth assn. The HS coaches want every kid enjoy and return each year because they have had many kids that were marginal youth players that eneded up receiving college scholarships. Starters no, but players yes.
I think it’s really a question of motives. Is the parent pushing the kid to play a sport and then upset when they aren’t a starter? Those kids probably don’t want to be there in the first place, which means they’ll put in minimal effort. Kids who love a sport, even if they aren’t the best, want to be part of a team. They are the ones who are willing to work and get better.
It’s amazing how far down our society has gone that losing means winning and winning is considered somehow unfair to those who lose. — Pete Paolo